Defined

            I struggle. I struggle a lot. I struggle with big things and little things. I struggle.  I struggle a lot.
Recently I have really been struggling with what defines me.  I have valued success, popularity, status, appearance and so much more. I have become deaf to God's voice and I have forgotten what it sounds like when He says, "you're enough. You always have been." Because I have been caught up in worldly things, God decided to talk to me through a secular song, just because He loves me that much.

            I was just sitting there, enjoying pasta and salad with my favorite group of girls-my basketball team.  I was laughing, and having a great time.  We were having a team meal before our first state basketball game and it was kind of a big deal. We were playing the team that had won the state championships three years in a row and were the favorites to win the game against us.  Because I start and normally play the majority of the game, I had been feeling pressure and butterflies in my stomach for a good couple of days.  While I was laughing and enjoying the bonding time with my teammates, I would occasionally remind my self of the game, get nervous, and feel sick.   I was nervous for all the wrong reasons. I was nervous that if I didn't play very well people would like me less or I would like my self less. Then it happened. God spoke.  While I was enjoying time with my friends and subconsciously worrying about myself, Christina Perri's song, A Thousand Years came on the radio. My mind didn't even register with the song until she sang the line, Darling don't be afraid I have loved you For a thousand years.  And that is when I knew it was God.  I heard His voice clear. He was saying to me, "Emily, Don't be afraid. I love you. Nothing else matters." That's all it took.

           I still was nervous but not for the reasons I was before. I felt peace and comfort in the fact that how good of a basketball player I am, doesn't define me.  HALLELUJAH! I am not defined by materialistic things.
OH HAPPY DAY!!


Just to let everyone know, we won the game. It was an Upset and it was fun. 

My Brother

If for some reason, I won a million dollars, I would tell my brother first.
If I received two plane tickets for anywhere in the world, I would want my brother to travel to Spain with me. Why? Because we always have fun together and he is big and strong so I know he would protect me.  
If my car was to break down, I'd call my brother first.
If my biggest dream came true, It would be my brothers arms I would jump into and we would laugh.
If I accidentally set our house on fire, I know my brother would put it out. 
If I could smash a pie in someone's face, I would smash pie in my brothers.
If I had to be trapped on an island with one person, I would chose my brother. I know somehow, together, we would survive and probably have fun along the way.  

I just really love my brother.




Recently, I've realized, I'm growing up, and my brother is too.  My brother is in college and I don't see him as much as I'd like.  It's weird to think that someday we wont see each other as much as we do now.  I really love my brother. 

 And right now,  I'm just trying to understand why I have to share him with the world.

ELEVEN THINGS, BRO

1.The Great and Mighty God Of The Universe lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders and I feel so free I can fly and laugh and run and jump and sing and scream and enjoy this bipolar Iowa weather. HE IS SO POWERFUL! I DON"T EVER WANT TO FORGET THAT!

2. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin, Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in? WELL DO YA?!
I don't. Not right now.

3. I want to be some sort of writer when I "grow up" and through my creative writing class at school, God has been showing me that a career in English/creative writing is actually realistic... I'M PUMPED!

4. Recently I was being interviewed after a basketball game and whenever I'm being interviewed I try to use big words (It's kinda a game I play with myself because I want to sound smart.) and I was thinking ahead, while talking and there was this word I wanted to use but I honestly didn't know what it meant completely but I basically said yolo and went for it. It was cool. I felt brave.

5. One of the rules I live by is HAVE YOUR TOES PAINTED AT ALL TIMES! (because toes are kinda ugly otherwise) Anyway, I painted my toes bright red and because of that, I am getting super excited for summer! Like, who's with me?

6. High school basketball has been over for 5 days and AAU starts tomorrow. I'm  looking forward to this opportunity God has given me. It's going to be a crazy fun/busy summer.♥

7.  Yesterday it was a beautiful 61 decrees and my friend Sarah and I decided to work on our soccer skills (because the season is approaching quickly) We ended up working on soccer for maybe ten minutes and the other hour and a half we spent putting our feet in the mud and feeling it squish through our toes.  We also cheered on the boys track practice and threw a few snowballs at them too. We had a blast.

8. There once was a smart fish of blue,
His friends told him he looked like poo.
But he was so kind,
True love he would find.
A pretty fish he would soon woo.  #limericks #lyfe #ILOVECREATIVEWRITING #yeah #love

9. Spring break is almost here. SPRING BREAK IS ALMOST HERE!

10. I had an A In advanced biology for this whole semester and I have no clue how that has happened.
I is smart, I is Kind, I is good at Advanced Biology.:)

11. My heart longs for the ocean. I'm convinced I have saltwater in my veins. Maybe I'm a mermaid or maybe because I was born in the water, if I'm away from the sea, my heart aches.  Thoughts I shall ponder.

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!! 

Time is flying away.

For the first time
Ever
I’ve realized
The days are
       Flying      by
Soon I will be off on my own
Life will be so
     Different
Will life ever be this beautiful again?
Can someone tell me where to find Peter pan
I want him to fly me to never land
I don’t  want to grow up.
I’m not ready

Will life ever be this beautiful again?

Emily's thought of the week.

  How much sleep do we actually need? I remember this last summer when I got 30 hours of sleep in seven days. That is a little over four hours of sleep a night, and I was fine.

Recently I've started to realize how selfish I can be with my time. For example, This last Christmas break I took about 5 naps that lasted about 4ish hours. Meaning, In my 10 day Christmas break I spent 20 hours napping and if you include actual sleeping, I probably averaged 8ish hours a night. So in my 240 hours of Christmas break,  I slept about 103ish hours. That is actually pretty close to HALF of my Christmas break if you add in the few days I got wayyy more than 8 hours of sleep and the random naps in cars etc.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, about half way through my winter break I started to feel really selfish with my time. I was feeling as if there were better things I could do with myself like, make a new friend,  invite a bunch of friends to go sledding, spend time with Jesus, Talk to a friend I haven't seen in a while, take my sister out for coffee,  or maybe even spend time playing a board game with my family. there are obviously many more things I could do with my time but I decided to sleep away my Christmas break.

Because I became aware of this I started to think about the amount of sleep we deserve. I believe that rest (solitude and silence, taking walks, talking with God) Is VERY important but is sleep?  are we entitled to naps every Sunday? Are we so mentally weak we cant overcome a sleep deprived headache?

I'm not saying you should get four hours of sleep because you've been writing every person you know a letter of encouragement. I'm not saying to not sleep when you really do need it (sleep is not bad) especially when you're sick. I'm just saying you should try to be a little more intentional about the way you spend your time because that 100 plus hours I slept during Christmas break, I will never get back.

Anyway, Often I have thoughts that I feel I should share. If you agree or disagree I don't really care. Remember this is just a thought from a overly passionate 16 year old and I hope you enjoyed a small part of what keeps my brain distracted during Spanish class. That's all.

I am from...

I am from August 11th 1997
I am from the water. ( literally I was born in the water.)

I am from denim overalls and my red rain boots,
I am from baseball hats on backwards and matching football jerseys with my brother.

I am from my backyard.
I am from mud fights, water fights, kickball, singing to the flowers, and basketball on my driveway 
I am from our maple tree, play house and a stomach full of raspberries. Red, black and yellow.

 I am from familiar words.
I am from "you can do it" and "you have a purpose in this life."

I am from saltwater.
I am from sweat, tears, and the sea-it makes me feel alive.

I am from  red, memory-worn basketball shoes and a gym full of loud people.

I am from dressing my dog up for every birthday party and blowing out ALL the candles, the first time, Every time. 

I am from athletics
I am from flag football with the boys, cross country and hating every minute of it.
I am from Swim team, Horseback riding, track, softball, ballet, soccer,and my love, Basketball.

I am from Breaking the rules.
I am from illegally riding the eighty-five year old  tortoises at the blank park zoo, breaking in to my own church and running barefoot in the hotel hallways.  (rebellious? you know it)

I am from walks with The King Of The Universe.
I am from the creators hands, crafted the way he wanted me to be.
I am from his beautiful grace and because of that I am beyond thankful.

I am from the Knittel athletes and the Hanson writers.


I am from the stories I can tell of my scars.
I am from falling out of a mulberry tree and getting trampled by a horse.
I am from my permanently scarred legs due to one too many soccer games played and several burns from the basketball court.

I am from laughter,
I am from pain,
I am from loss,
I am from joy.

I am from my bonfire scented hair, and the words I never said. 

I am from Ballard high school.
I'm from our great basketball program,
and our wonderful teachers and coaches.

I am from laying under the stars, and discovering so much about life under them.

I am from all the books I've read and find myself lost.
I am from all the poems that have written me and the paintings on my walls.

I am from Wisconsin.
I am from the whitewater rapids and the cliff jumping.
I am from the tall trees that smell like memories.

I am from the freckles on my lips and my sunflower eyes.


I am from today,
walking in the school hallways, eavesdropping on students conversations hearing stuff like "HE SAID WHAT?!?" and "GUESS WHO ASKED ME TO WINTER FORMAL!!!"
I am from right  now, this very moment, learning about life, God and myself.
I am from these very words I write while trying to understand this crazy, beautiful thing we call Life. 

A few of my favorites

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zWKm-LZWm4
I love love love love love this video. Please watch its wonderful! 



 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6T3MwMBqBU
I don't know what it is but I love whenever someone starts talking with a normal voice and ends all riled up and filled with passion. This video is beautiful.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnnSS0_-xoA
back in jr high my youth pastor showed me this video and I've always been amazed by it.  "just stop and think"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=387xDaK_VAo
I think spoken word poetry it the bomb.com and I love this.  enjoy:)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYrmKlAR0g0
This video sometimes gives me chills.  Ever since I watched it, whenever I hear the song sail, I say (in my head or sometimes out loud depending if anyone is around and weather or not I could possible embarrass myself) "WHAT IF YOU WERE BLIND?" anyway, you probably don't know why I just said that so you should probably watch the video.